Akakuro At Its Best
by KNBSnkLover
Summary: After reading almost every Akakuro fic there is, here is a compilation of all the funniest and most common tropes between the crimson orbed devil and quietly rebellious bluenette. Rated H for Humor and C for Crack


"Hey, Kuroko-kun," Akashi-kun says as he suddenly appears behind me one day after basketball practice, "What are you doing after practice today?"

"I don't know," I answer without much emotion. It's something I know everyone finds rather endearing about me, even though it's a dead turnoff for most in real life. But nothing in life is ever real. I learnt that after Teiko.

Akashi-kun then smiles at me. "Well instead of hanging out with Daiki at Maji Burger today, perhaps you would agree to walking home with me."

I blush. "Akashi-kun, thank you very much for your offer, but I must politely decline for no reason at all."

He lifts one thin eyebrow. "Are you telling me you are defying me solely because the act of polite declination for no reason at all seems to fit in with your character motives?"

"Yes," I ab-lip.

Suddenly his eyes proceed to change color like a handsome Satan! One becomes molten gold while the other stays the same but becomes redder than the flushing on my cheeks. They also begin to glow as the atmosphere dims around us.

"You do NOT defy me, Tetsuya," he whispers threateningly, slamming a hand to trap me between his body and the wall.

"Ano, A-Akashi-kun," I stutter, willing myself not to lose control of my uncontrollable body. Hormones are like little sizzling molecular balls of energy, coursing through the both of us at this age.

"What's the matter, Tetsuya? Lost control?" he whispers like a seductive vampire, tongue darting out to snake my ear. He keeps on rubbing my body in all the right places so that eventually I would give in and answer with my honest opinions.

"You are just so attractive," I whimper like a frightened little kitty, "With your post-training body. All toned muscles hard like the rest of your body, and t-those sweaty pits and hairless chicken legs…"

He smirks that rich boi smirk he always smirks. "Oh, Tetsuya…"

"S-sumimasen..."

He must look at me the same way because we practically look like twins except for our hair and our height. Even though he's got such a massive dick for a small guy, he uses it to fill me up well. I can sometimes take all of it without lube, if he ever feels the need to take my renewing virginity swiftly and possessively. Also he's seen my dainty pink manhood/penis/male vascular tube/wing wang doodle before, and he's called it cute. That made me swell up with pride.

I remember the first time he came onto me. He came up to me all red-eyed and princelike and said, "You are young, hot, and hormonal, just like me. Even though you look like the blue version of me, let's spend chapters upon chapters freaking out over one nickname and barely there kiss. Then proceed to immediately have kinky, wild, passionate hot sex everywhere, especially the conveniently empty locker rooms during school hours. Oh, and I am always going to be on top."

"We're technically 12," I said while frowning at him, but on the inside I was flushed even more crimson than the color of his hair.

"We can turn sixteen, seventeen, and eighteen non-consecutively, if you'd like."

"Oh, I suppose it's alright then," I said, "After I turn you down like sixty-nine times."

He grins like a feral wolf and that's when I know that I'm going to be satisfied for life.

"Uwghhhhhhhhh!" I moan as he gives a swift thrust, of that which is deep and fills me entirely and satisfyingly. Sometimes I get deep thoughts during our intercourse which makes it the more meaningful for the both of us. Other times I just clench around him until he's ramming in and out of me sophisticatedly like the rich boy he is.

"Akashi-kun, don't you think it's so coincidental that every time we're about to have sex, your father is either out of town, out of the picture, or uncaring of your whereabouts altogether? It's also rather strange that right now I've transferred to Rakuzan High with you, isn't it? I like being with you, but Seirin has been my dream school since forever."

"Tetsuya, you're going to have speak up. I can't really hear you due to the sound of the loud, primal, passionate ball-slapping sex we just happen to be having right now. But if you're going to beg for it, be louder and SCREAM ONLY MY NAME."

I give a loud moan and scream his name as loud as I can while raking my short, non-existent nails across his back deep enough to leave marks as red as his hair.

"That's more like it!" he says, his golden eye glowing out of possessiveness and love. "You're mine, and only ever mine. Got it? I WILL KILL ANYONE WHO TRIES TO TAKE YOU AWAY FROM ME, INCLUDING OUR FRIENDS, MY OWN PARENTS, AND YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY."

God, I just love it when he acts all mighty and tyrannical like this. It always makes up for the lube that he never seems to have.

"You have…such a massive dick...for such a small guy!" I whimper.

"And I am supposed to take that as a compliment?"

"Yes!" I gasp through my moans.

"You know, you're pretty special for a bland vanilla guy with expressionless eyes and an average demeanor."

I try not to cry during the middle of this activity since Akashi-kun already did once before but nobody had ever paid me such a straightforward and direct compliment before for the duration of three seasons.

"Tetsuya, are you alright?"

"I'm more than alright!" I scream as he brings me to my eighth orgasm. What I wouldn't give to have this kind of stamina on the basketball court.

"You know, it's a shock to me how you're not drowning in Type 2 diabetes with all the milkshakes you drink."

"Thanks for being concerned about my health, Akashi-kun," I return, "Haven't you ever thought that all our friends are weird?"

"No weirder than the primal, ball-slapping sex we're having right now, nevermind the coherent conversation and depth of affection."

"Point taken. Also, I've always wondered why everyone seems to hate Momoi San. Is it because she is pretty and gets to hang around so many guys?"

"Maybe they hate her because she's so relatable, Tetsuya," Akashi-kun adds thoughtfully as an afterthought. "Maybe they're surrounded by a lot of dicks that wouldn't give them a ride, either."

"...Akashi-kun is a savage."

"You know me and my style."

"I'm doing you, Akashi-kun."

"No," he says, slamming his hips harder than possible physics with each new thrust, " _I'm_ doing _you_ , Tetsuya."

"Akashi-kun!" I whine again, feeling more turned on and loved than I have ever had.

"Shhh Tetsuya, I am sorry my love but this discussion will have to continue tomorrow. We both know you will pass out after this."

He is right as always, so I keep my mouth shut and my body good and loose for him, all my self-righteous morality and independence be damned.

The squishing noises echo loudly in the otherwise empty locker room, and Akashi-kun is handsome and grunting as he silently comes all the while staring me in the eyes.

I pass out. The last thing I see are his eyes, vivid crimson and golden by the illuminating light of the locker rooms as he calls my name before spilling into me. The hot warmth floods me,

even though I'm technically supposed to be the invisible one.

"Oni-sama!" I chant right before I pass out a second time (even though I didn't wake up from my first coma just yet but I knew his arms and bright red hair were both there to catch me from falling).

But it's too late since I already fell hard for him.


End file.
